I had an awful day today. One of those "feel sorry for myself" days where I chose to sit around and cry every other hour for the one thing I want more than anything in the world.. a baby.
I want to be a mother more than anything I've ever wanted in my life and for the first time I am here with the biggest challenge I have ever faced and everything I do seems to no avail. Nothing has worked to this point and it leaves me every month with the same rise of hope that just maybe THIS is the month that my husband and I can see a positive pregnancy test and tell everyone we know.. "We're pregnant!", only to be deflated with the single biggest heartbreaking sign that in deed I am not pregnant.
It is the first time I have not been able to "make it happen" and to think that something is outside my control is almost as challenging painful as not having a child. I did say almost. Maybe it is what I am so challenged to make happen. Maybe it's because it is something I want more than anything I have ever wanted before. For me, having a child cannot be matched by anything else in the world.
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