I had an awful day today. One of those "feel sorry for myself" days where I chose to sit around and cry every other hour for the one thing I want more than anything in the world.. a baby.
I want to be a mother more than anything I've ever wanted in my life and for the first time I am here with the biggest challenge I have ever faced and everything I do seems to no avail. Nothing has worked to this point and it leaves me every month with the same rise of hope that just maybe THIS is the month that my husband and I can see a positive pregnancy test and tell everyone we know.. "We're pregnant!", only to be deflated with the single biggest heartbreaking sign that in deed I am not pregnant.
It is the first time I have not been able to "make it happen" and to think that something is outside my control is almost as challenging painful as not having a child. I did say almost. Maybe it is what I am so challenged to make happen. Maybe it's because it is something I want more than anything I have ever wanted before. For me, having a child cannot be matched by anything else in the world.
The pain and heartbreak has remained a part of me for longer than I wish to have felt. And of course there is the comparison game. Other women have experienced this heartbreak for longer than I have. Some have had miscarriages after miscarriages, others have been faced with dozens of failed IVF cycles and mortgaged their homes to pay for it. So... who am I to feel such hurt?
In the middle of my pity party I happened across a friend's post on Facebook and she shared some more about her husband and where he is at in his progress after a motor cycle accident some 9 months ago where it left him as a paraplegic.
And in an instant I felt my whole pity party cease. Not because their situation is more heartbreaking than mine. No one person's pain should ever be compared to an others. But instead because I am blessed with my ability to get out of bed every morning. My perspective of what I do have rather than what I don't have caused me to be in appreciation instead of disappointment.
I realized just how much I have in my life to be grateful for.
Thank you for allowing me to share my heart with you today. May you see the same perspective when you next find yourself having a pity party.
"I am committed to inspiring, empowering and educating women on being architects of change in the world, using enterprise as a vehicle - all according to their Purpose, Passion and Strengths."
"Find out what you love to do, discover what it is you do best & be an agent of change in the world. Now that's a life worth living!" Melissa Haupt.
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