I've heard it said that everyone in their life will experience an existential experience or "crisis", if you will.
And apparently, they often come about because of a significant event in someone's life. For me, it was turning 40.
Or was it? As I ponder the reason for this experience I wonder if perhaps it was a culmination of life's "big" events. All crashing together in my mind to reveal something in which I feel I've needed to learn my entire life. The birth and loss of loved ones, multiple failed IVF cycles and one single joyous and incredible successful one - our son TJ. Business and career success along with heart wrenching failures. Experiences of love and sometimes failure to keep it, in the form of broken relationships.
So, what have I learned?
Well, I like to think of it more of a what truth has always been with me and what am I to unlearn in order to rediscover it?
But first, I had to "wake up". I had to realise the way I was living my life was not conducive to fulfillment. I had to realise there was something more and the way I'd been trying to get it was futile. So, I guess at 40 and unbeknownst to me, I was ready.
We are taught that "if we can perceive it we can achieve it" or "if it's to be, it's up to me". We are taught to work hard and achieve "success". It's not enough to be a picture Instagram perfect parent, while fulfilling a full time career and maintaining a debt comatose house that is ridiculously too big for our air brushed perfect family to live in. Nope, it's not enough. You must also have a side-hustle, (Wait...you don't have a side-hustle? You HAD better get your shit together GF!) a large following on all social platforms that will never ever rival the true queens who have it all goin' on and for the sake of sanity (or to keep up with the Kardashians) we MUST have a booty the size of a watermelon with an iddy biddy waist and boobs for days. Oh! And how is it that you are not getting botox. That shit is legit.
Well, what if it's not legit? What if none of it is!? What if "it" is all making us more and more anxious, depressed and giving our teenage kids more stress than can literally handle?
Buuuuut, none of my awakening has anything to do with anyone but me. This is my journey and mine alone. It's not for me to judge anyone's life but my own. (actually, enough with the judgement, period!). What if we started accepting ourselves more? Let me rephrase that... (since this is my journey and all) What if I started accepting myself more? What if I loved myself and others? What if I realised something deeper? What if it really is true that I am a soul having a human experience? And what if my human experience didn't have to look like what I've come to know? What if I really could experience "heaven on earth"? What if I could experience real fulfillment?
So, this is my journey to see what this "awakening" is all about and to seek true fulfillment - if it's even possible. To unlearn what I've learned and to "wake up" to discover a different truth.
Here I go.
And apparently, they often come about because of a significant event in someone's life. For me, it was turning 40.
Or was it? As I ponder the reason for this experience I wonder if perhaps it was a culmination of life's "big" events. All crashing together in my mind to reveal something in which I feel I've needed to learn my entire life. The birth and loss of loved ones, multiple failed IVF cycles and one single joyous and incredible successful one - our son TJ. Business and career success along with heart wrenching failures. Experiences of love and sometimes failure to keep it, in the form of broken relationships.
So, what have I learned?
Well, I like to think of it more of a what truth has always been with me and what am I to unlearn in order to rediscover it?
But first, I had to "wake up". I had to realise the way I was living my life was not conducive to fulfillment. I had to realise there was something more and the way I'd been trying to get it was futile. So, I guess at 40 and unbeknownst to me, I was ready.
We are taught that "if we can perceive it we can achieve it" or "if it's to be, it's up to me". We are taught to work hard and achieve "success". It's not enough to be a picture Instagram perfect parent, while fulfilling a full time career and maintaining a debt comatose house that is ridiculously too big for our air brushed perfect family to live in. Nope, it's not enough. You must also have a side-hustle, (Wait...you don't have a side-hustle? You HAD better get your shit together GF!) a large following on all social platforms that will never ever rival the true queens who have it all goin' on and for the sake of sanity (or to keep up with the Kardashians) we MUST have a booty the size of a watermelon with an iddy biddy waist and boobs for days. Oh! And how is it that you are not getting botox. That shit is legit.
Well, what if it's not legit? What if none of it is!? What if "it" is all making us more and more anxious, depressed and giving our teenage kids more stress than can literally handle?
Buuuuut, none of my awakening has anything to do with anyone but me. This is my journey and mine alone. It's not for me to judge anyone's life but my own. (actually, enough with the judgement, period!). What if we started accepting ourselves more? Let me rephrase that... (since this is my journey and all) What if I started accepting myself more? What if I loved myself and others? What if I realised something deeper? What if it really is true that I am a soul having a human experience? And what if my human experience didn't have to look like what I've come to know? What if I really could experience "heaven on earth"? What if I could experience real fulfillment?
So, this is my journey to see what this "awakening" is all about and to seek true fulfillment - if it's even possible. To unlearn what I've learned and to "wake up" to discover a different truth.
Here I go.
